Today’s blog post is about how I’ve been feeling for about a year and a half and how I’ve been acting as a result of this feeling.I’m writing this post because maybe someone who reads this will be feeling the same way and then we can relate to each other and you’ll know your not alone and then I’ll know I’m not alone.So now lets talk about what I’ve been feeling.
So as you can guess from the title,I’ve been very anxious for about a year and a half now and I know everyone feels anxious sometimes and that’s normal,but it’s not just the occasional time that I feel like this.I get this feeling quite often even when I’m not doing anything.It also stops me from doing things and going places.Sometimes when my friends invite me to their house I make up excuses about why I can’t go just because it makes me feel anxious and scared even though I know that there’s no reason to feel like that with my friends but I can’t help but overthink it and then feel anxious about it.In classes if a teacher asks me for an answer to a question and if I have the correct answer written down I will tell them that I don’t know rather than read my answer out loud.I used to make Youtube videos but I stopped and deleted them because it made me feel too anxious.I was meant to be going on a Ski Trip to Italy with school but the thought of that made me want to cry because it scared me so much so I decided not to go.My best friend always invites me to go to her house,to go bowling,to go shopping,to go to the cinema but the majority of the time I come up with excuses not to go because the idea of it makes me feel so anxious.
My friends invited me out for a meal one time but the thought of it made me feel so anxious and panicky that I just said no and made up another excuse.This then leaves me feeling excluded and a bit upset even though I’m the one that excluded myself because of this anxious feeling that just follows me around.I also feel bad because whenever my friends or best friend try to make plans with me I almost always make up an excuse about why I can’t go.I don’t like to tell my friends that I feel anxious about going places and doing new things because they probably wouldn’t understand,I don’t even understand why going out for food makes me feel anxious or why going to my best friends house makes me feel anxious.
I get the bus to school and sometimes I feel so scared at the thought of having to walk from the door of my house to the gate where the bus collects me (literally a 30 second walk).It probably sounds so stupid to you but it’s true getting on a little bus scares me.I think it’s the idea of being on a bus with a lot of people that stresses me out more than the actual bus itself.
Feeling anxious about trying new things and going certain places has stopped me doing things that I do want to do but am too scared even though I know that nothing bad would probably happen.I don’t know if I’ve explained this very well so I’m sorry if this has left you confused but to be honest it is confusing.I wish that I could be like other people and not feel anxious when having to do something as simple as go into a shop and buy something but I’m not because even that scares me.The thought of ordering food in a restaurant scares me so much so I hate eating out.
I don’t actually know why I feel like this,It started about a year and a half ago.I haven’t gone to a doctor about it because I don’t know if I should or not.I would love to know if any of you who read this feel like this or are going through something like this.Maybe this isn’t even a big deal,maybe this is normal but either way I wanted to write a post about a feeling that I’ve been feeling for a while.(Sorry this post was so long!)
If you don’t want to reply to this publicly in the comments you can Email me:Ciaratone@hotmail.com
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Thanks for reading,